Will uploaded onto YouTube the first draft of our video, without refined sounds or music. It just had simple transitions and the story in order. Our issue is that its around the 5 minute mark, so we need to loose at least 01:30 minutes! What we decided to do is to make a “Directors Cut” (the way we intended the story to be) and then meet up and decide on the more irrelevant parts of the story, that are just padding it out. Unfortunately, I am worried that everything in this film is as relevant and as needed as the last. All the clips come together to support each other and I worry that it wouldn’t have such a strong build-up to the punchline, nor a wide enough spread of despair being experienced in just 3 minutes.
Non-the-less, here is my initial feed back to Will:
1) Somehow change the way at 00:15 MR SUTTON jumps from sat back in his chair to having his head in the paper.
2) I feel like there should be more pause between him reading the paper and slamming it down at 00:35.. but obviously lack of time to play with is an issue there…
3) For the final cut, get rid of the scene in which MR SUTTON asks Secretary where another toilet is, I think it’s obvious enough what hes looking for.
4) At just after 2 mins, when MR SUTTON is running down stairs, cut before he slows down at the bottom.
5) At 2:20, loose the fade between toilet door and Alan. It suggests to me a change of setting.
6) The sounds need sorting out, in the entire scene in which the pram rolls down the hill.
7) At just before 4:00 cut back the close-up shots of MR SUTTON’s face, gets a little disturbing to watch!
8) Right at the end, when Pete locks MR SUTTON in, start that shot from when he already has it in his hand. Otherwise you can see its already locked before he touches it.
9) Finally, I’d say put the banging on the door after the credits (or at least after the cast’s credits)
Danny suggested re-shooting the banging on the door scene, it was rushed but I think we have enough of it to make it work.